This meant for the hours I wasn't teaching theatre or producing the after school activities (the fall play, spring musical and talent show) I did random jobs around the school. This included but was not limited to subbing classes, being a hallway monitor, sitting in for the office managers when they were out, babysitting the students in in-school suspension, lunch monitoring, filing, proctoring exams.... you get the point.
These were the concessions I made because, to be perfectly honest, I was afraid. I was scared that I couldn't find other jobs that would make better use of my time. I was scared to pay for health care out of pocket. I was scared to ask for what I wanted because I was scared to loose my job.
Fear is a bitch.
After working this way for a year I mustered the courage to ask for what I wanted. I was then offered a different version of spackle: rather than be Stepin Fetchit, I was offered and agreed to teach the technology course to "make-up" a full-time position.
I know what you're thinking, "Whaaaaa!?!"
This decision lasted an entire 72 hours before I had a straight-up panic attack. I'm talking hyperventilating, crying and the requisite insomnia. I couldn't take it anymore.
I had to step out on faith.
I told my job that I was only interested in teaching theatre, my passion and purpose in life. Anything that wasn't that, count me out. I knew what I was doing: I was turning down a salary, health care and risked my job outright. But it was the only thing to do. To take the job as-is would be not trusting myself, God or that I deserve to live a life filled with passion, purpose and joy.
So I leapt.
My job agreed to keep me on part-time teaching only theatre, sans healthcare and benefits. I got what I wanted, needed. Free falling for the first week was bliss. I felt like I was living life on my terms and like I had a CHOICE in my life. Then week two came and panic set in.
What was I going to do?
I had 3/4ths of a paycheck to make-up for. So I spent a great deal of time looking for and applying to jobs that aligned with my passion and purpose. And just when I felt my stomach in my throat and I started to reach for the air sickness bag things started happening! Feathers started to manifest.
Just take a look at what's happened in the last month....
- I'm now on the teaching artist roster at Tada! Theatre.
- I'm now on the teaching artist roster at Wingspan Arts.
- I was cast in The Story Pirates.
- I made the top 10 finalist in an NBC Diversity showcase.
- I was cast in a UCBT show.
- I start working this fall with Creative Sitters (a company who only hires artists to babysit and entertain children through theatre)
Is your jaw on the floor?
My jaw is. I feel like crying (and do) everyday from sheer gratitude. I am just so very thankful. I'm living proof that stepping out on faith, while scary as shit, and following your heart will reveal the abundance that is available to us when we don't submit to fear.
And while it's still scary and I'm still figuring out money stuff, health care and how to make a dream a reality, for the first time in a long time I'm happy and exited by the possibility of what each day holds. And while fear still creeps its ugly head in, between sighs of relief, I know I have a choice - to listen or to fight.
And baby, I got a whole lot of fight in me.
