THOREAU UP

The Pursuit of Happiness.

2010-09-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

For the last year I worked at a high school in Harlem. I was there in a full-time capacity, while I only taught theatre part-time. What did I do for the other 3/4ths of my day? Well, I was spackle.

This meant for the hours I wasn't teaching theatre or producing the after school activities (the fall play, spring musical and talent show) I did random jobs around the school. This included but was not limited to subbing classes, being a hallway monitor, sitting in for the office managers when they were out, babysitting the students in in-school suspension, lunch monitoring, filing, proctoring exams.... you get the point.

These were the concessions I made because, to be perfectly honest, I was afraid. I was scared that I couldn't find other jobs that would make better use of my time. I was scared to pay for health care out of pocket. I was scared to ask for what I wanted because I was scared to loose my job.

Fear is a bitch.

After working this way for a year I mustered the courage to ask for what I wanted. I was then offered a different version of spackle: rather than be Stepin Fetchit, I was offered and agreed to teach the technology course to "make-up" a full-time position.

I know what you're thinking, "Whaaaaa!?!"

This decision lasted an entire 72 hours before I had a straight-up panic attack. I'm talking hyperventilating, crying and the requisite insomnia. I couldn't take it anymore.

I had to step out on faith.

I told my job that I was only interested in teaching theatre, my passion and purpose in life. Anything that wasn't that, count me out. I knew what I was doing: I was turning down a salary, health care and risked my job outright. But it was the only thing to do. To take the job as-is would be not trusting myself, God or that I deserve to live a life filled with passion, purpose and joy.

So I leapt.

My job agreed to keep me on part-time teaching only theatre, sans healthcare and benefits. I got what I wanted, needed. Free falling for the first week was bliss. I felt like I was living life on my terms and like I had a CHOICE in my life. Then week two came and panic set in.

What was I going to do?

I had 3/4ths of a paycheck to make-up for. So I spent a great deal of time looking for and applying to jobs that aligned with my passion and purpose. And just when I felt my stomach in my throat and I started to reach for the air sickness bag things started happening! Feathers started to manifest.

Just take a look at what's happened in the last month....

I'm now on the teaching artist roster at Tada! Theatre.
I'm now on the teaching artist roster at Wingspan Arts.
I was cast in The Story Pirates.
I made the top 10 finalist in an NBC Diversity showcase.
I was cast in a UCBT show.
I start working this fall with Creative Sitters (a company who only hires artists to babysit and entertain children through theatre)

Is your jaw on the floor?

My jaw is. I feel like crying (and do) everyday from sheer gratitude. I am just so very thankful. I'm living proof that stepping out on faith, while scary as shit, and following your heart will reveal the abundance that is available to us when we don't submit to fear.

And while it's still scary and I'm still figuring out money stuff, health care and how to make a dream a reality, for the first time in a long time I'm happy and exited by the possibility of what each day holds. And while fear still creeps its ugly head in, between sighs of relief, I know I have a choice - to listen or to fight.

And baby, I got a whole lot of fight in me.

Vacation 2011

2010-08-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

So it's the last week of my summer vacation and I'm already thinking about next year. Now that I'm trying to be queen of budgeting I have to start planning/saving for it NOW. Basically I want to "do" all the continents before I kick the bucket, so I'm hoping to cross one off the list next summer.

Here are some contenders 2011:

- Spain
- Greece
- Prague
- Brazil
- South Africa
- Morocco
- Egypt

The countdown begins. Only 347 days remaining....

That's about right.

2010-08-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

No Day But Today...

2010-08-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

I started watching "The Big C," the brilliant Showtime series featuring (my acting crush) Laura Linney. She portrays a woman who starts living her bucket list when she learns that she has cancer. I feel like it takes life threatening news to get people to start really living their life. It may be super macabre to say, but everyday we're dying. Shouldn't that be enough to get folks to start doing what they've dreamt of doing? It is for me.

What's on YOUR bucket list?

Oprah Would Be Proud

2010-08-13T09:09:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it takes falling flat on my face, multiple times, in order for me to make changes in my life. Changes that suggest that I may very well in fact be an - gasp! - adult. Lately I've fallen down so much it has seemed silly to get up when falling felt like an inevitability.

I turn 30 this year, and that's a very adult (yet arbitrary) number. There are things, lots of things, that I want to accomplish by this milestone and I'm no where near reaching those goals. But today I woke up and the first thing I thought was, "It's on." I have purposed in my heart that I am going to make the necessary changes and take the necessary steps to start attacking that long list of shoulda, coulda, wouldas, one day/step/moment/mistake/choice/breath at a time.

No, this isn't a silly online declaration that I'm going to complete XYZ by such and such date or that I even want you to hold me accountable. I'm not that naive, I've been down this road before. This is just me recognizing that doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results is insanity, and I'm sorta done. I'm going to make some changes - albeit imperfect, slow and sloppy, and with a few face-plants along the way. I'm no longer going to be passive, but active in this here life o' mine.

And I'm saying it out loud.

Stay tuned...

GIGGLE THROTTLE: The Gender of Comedy

2010-08-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

GIGGLE THROTTLE: The Gender of Comedy: "I struggle with the whole gender comedy issue. It's a very slippery slope. Too fem, or too him: either way you sacrifice something. That..."

My Hood.

2010-08-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

What ever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

2010-08-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a week long business(?) trip to Sin City. I brought my heavy duty camera and didn't take it out once. I wish I could chalk it up to being forgetful, but it was more a realization that the city itself was just too sad. I mean, on the surface it was bright and glittery and filled with temptations for the mind, body and soul. But if I stopped and looked long enough the fissures appeared and the sadness crept in. Why pause to capture that especially when the sadness was so familiar?

I know escapism. Well. It was interesting to see a city dedicated to just that and providing a thousand and one ways to dive in and forget. So rather than pick up my camera I dove in, albeit briefly. The water was as fine as you would imagine. But after a while I wanted to come up for air, which I did after about two days (the right amount of time for Vegas).

The trip wasn't at all bad. My job treated us well, there were some interesting workshops and the food was tasty. But I would love to go back and step outside of the strip and see the beauty that surrounds the city. I stayed on the 25th floor of the Rio and I could see the glorious dessert just beyond the florescent lights. That's the Vegas I want to explore, and capture. That's the Vegas that gives you peace in exchange for chaos, and beauty for ashes.

I heart this.

2010-08-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

Journey is Not Just a Band

2010-05-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

I think it has become pretty standard to use travel metaphors to talk about life. Life is a journey, and/or adventure where there are roads less traveled, mountains to climb and seasons that bring about unique challenges that need to be overcome in order for you to reach your destination/goal/final resting place. Jesus take the wheel and all that jazz.

I would like to use this metaphor to describe my life as of late:

So I'm in car. No, I'm on a horse. Yes, a horse. A horse named Fantasy, and we're galloping along on a beautiful, sunny, spring day on the Trail of Denial to see where life takes us. The canteen is full; the nap sack is full of nuts and beef jerky. Life is good. Just then we reach a fork in the road. To the left the Trail of Denial continues, and to the right The Trail of Truth. I pull the reigns to turn the horse left. The horse doesn't move. I look down to see what has spooked Fantasy and I see that the horse has changed colors. The familiar brown and white speckled hide has turned grey. This new horse, that I named Will, turns right down the Trail of Truth. I pull the reigns to stop the horse, and the reigns disappear in my hands. I bend over to grab Will's neck, shut my eyes and cry.

Yes, life is a travel metaphor and I’m currently trying navigating unchartered territory – trying to follow truth, live truth, and not be afraid of truth. Kicking and screaming I go into the night.

Who’s with me?

Going, Going, Gone.

2010-05-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

Japan. So, that happened.

Now I'm looking to find my next adventure. I love to travel and have purposed in my heart, which means I mean business, to go abroad each year on my own terms. The long term goal is to hit each continent, but within each continent there are multiuple countries that are calling my name: Greece, Spain, Brazil, Egypt, and India

Where should I go next?

What should I hit this year?

Puerto Rico

2010-04-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

I teach theatre at an awesome school. Awesome for many reasons, but particularly because they're paying for the entire school to go to Puerto Rico. Yes I'll be on "F*cking Duty" meaning, making sure our freshman aren't doing it, but I'm still stoked to be going.

Nine.

2009-05-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

I'm no longer mourning the loss of leaving Japan. I've gone through the five stages of grief:

Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

And now, I'm finally at a place in my transition where I am excited about where I've been and where I'm going.

I have a job, people.

A J-O-B. Let me tell you how awesome God is: I was hired at one of the best charter school systems in NYC, KIPP (Knowlege is Power Program). In July I will be starting as the Theatre Arts teacher for their brand new High School, KIPP College Prep.

Let me recap: I got a job, during a recession, in the arts, teaching my passion, in NYC.

Redamndickulous.

I'm excited, and can't wait to actually be IN the city. But that won't be for a while. In an effort to be an adult, I've decided to stay at my folks place in Jersey and commute into the city for work. (Wait! Hear me out.) That way I can SAVE money for a few months, so I am able to move into the city and do it right. I haven't lived at home in over 10 years, so it's taking some getting used to, but it helps to remind myself that this is in fact a season, and an investment in my future. I especially have to remind myself of this when dealing with my mother. A woman who I could devote an entire blog to.

So that's me in a nut shell right now. Joyous over a new job, planning my great escape from New Jersey and getting my exercise on.

Now that I've emerged from post-Japan cocoon I'm ready to get my blog on again. So buckle up, yo. The ride starts now.

Between 7 and 8.

2009-04-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

2009-03-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

Jenna: Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it.

Say It With A Song - Vol. 9

2009-03-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

Lost Ones by Lauryn Hill

It's funny how money change a situation
Miscommunication leads to complication
My emancipation don't fit your equation
I was on the humble, you - on every station
Some wan' play young Lauryn like she dumb
But remember not a game new under the sun
Everything you did has already been done
I know all the tricks from Bricks to Kingston
My ting done made your kingdom wan' run
Now understand L. Boogie's non-violent
But if a thing test me, run for mi gun
Can't take a threat to mi newborn son
L's been this way since creation
A groupie call, you fall from temptation
Now you wanna ball over seperation
Tarnish my image in you conversation
Who you gon' scrimmage like you the champion
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

Now, now how come your talk turn cold
Gained the whole world for the price of your soul
Tryin' to grab hold of what you can't control
Now you're all floss, what a sight to behold
Wisdoms is better than silver and gold
I was hopeless nowI'm on Hope road
Every man want to act like he's exempt
When him need to get down o his knees and repent
Can't slick talk on the day of judgement
Your movement's similar to a serpent
Tried to play straight, how your whole style bent?
Consequence is no coincidence
Hypocrites always want to play innocent
Always want to take it to full out extent
Always want to make it seem like good intent
Never want to face it when it's time for punishment
I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See you might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you really lost one
You just lost one, it's so silly how come
When it's all done did you really gain from
What you done done, it's so silly how come
You just lost one

Now don't you understand man universal law
What you throw out comes back to you, star
Never underestimate those who you scar
'Cause karme, karma, karma comes back to you hard
You can't hold God's people back that long
The chain of Shatan wasn't made that strong
Trying to pretend like your word is our bond
But until you do right, all you do will go wrong
Now some might mistake this for just a simple song
And some don't know what they have 'til it's gone
Now even when you're gone you can still be reborn
And, from the night can arrive the sweet dawn
Now, some might listen and some might shun
And some may thinkg that they've reached perfection
If you look closely you'll see what you've become
'Cause you might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you really lost one
You just lost one, it's so silly how come
When it's all done did you really gain from
What you done done, it's so silly how come
You just lost one

Say It With A Song - Vol. 8

2009-03-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

Breathe Me by Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Say It With A Song - Vol. 7

2009-02-18T07:01:00.001-08:00

Today's anthem:

Live Your Life by T.I. feat. Rhihanna

Say It With A Song - Vol. 6

2009-02-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

Today's anthem:

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And felt your heart beat close to mine
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
It would last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I saw your face, your face,
your face, your face

Say It With A Song - Vol. 5

2009-02-06T02:28:00.000-08:00

Today's anthem:
Miss Independent by Ne-Yo

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

Ooh is something about
Just something about the way she move
I can't figure it out
It's something about her

Say, ooh is something about
Kinda woman that want you but don't need you
Hey, I can't figure it out
It's something about her

'Cause she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicure nails just set the pedicure off
She's fly effortlessly

And she move like a boss
Do what a boss
Do, she got me thinking about getting involved
That's the kinda girl I need (oh)

[chorus]
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah(ohh)

Ooh there's something about
Kinda woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud
There's something about her

Something oh so sexy about
Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it, she got it (she said she got it, she got it)
No doubt, there's something about her (there's somethin' about her)

'Cause she work like a boss
Play like a boss
Car and the crib she 'bout to pay 'em both off
And bills are payed on time, yeah
She made for a boss
Slowly a boss
Anything less she telling them to get lost
That's the girl that's on my mind

[chorus]
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent, yeay

[bridge]
Her favorite thing to say, don't worry I got it
And everything she got best believe she bought it
She gon' steal my heart ain't no doubt about it, girl
You're everything I need
Said you're everything I need

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah

She's got her own thing (oooohoooohhhoh)
That's why I love her (that's why I love her, oh ohh)
Miss independent (independent)
Won't you come and spend a little time (ohh)
She's got her own thing (she got, she got)
That's why I love her (that's why I love that girl)
Miss independent (ohh ohh)
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent

Miss independent
That's why I love her

Say It With A Song - Vol. 4

2009-02-05T02:37:00.000-08:00

Today's anthem:

Gallery Piece by Of Montreal

I want to be your love
I want to make you cry
And sweep you off your feet

I want to hurt your pride
I want to slap your face
I want to paint your nails
I want to make you scream
I want to braid your hair
I want to kiss your friends
I want to make you laugh
I want to dress the same
I want to defend you
I want to squeeze your thighs
I want to kiss your eyelids
And corrupt your dreams

I want to crash your car
I want to scratch your cheeks
I want to make you sick
I want to sell you out
Want to expose your flaws

I want to steal your things
I want to show you off
I want to tell you lies
I want to write you books
I want to turn you on
I want to make you cum
200 times a day

I want to dry your tears
Every time you're sad
I want to be what's happening
I want to be your only friend
I only go all the way

This time I'm not pretending
I can't take the trash
Your trashy friends are spreading about us
They got like V.D. personalities
Oh girl, that's so messed up
You see that sculpture on the hill?
That's where she queered me out forever
They're monitoring my subconscious massacres, I know
Bringing it closer to the surface so it's easily pervertable

I want to be a beast
I want to make you proud
And play with your head
I want to take you out
Make you feel adored
And buy you everything
I want to hurt you bad
Make you paranoid
And say the sweetest things
I want to help you grow
And for eternity
I want to be your what's happening
What's happening

Say It With A Song - Vol. 3

2009-02-04T05:28:00.001-08:00

Today's Anthem:

Feeling Good by Nina Simone

Feeling Good, Nina Simone
by mrfnk

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel

(refrain:)
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel

(refrain)

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, dont you know
Butterflies all havin fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
Thats what I mean

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

Say It With A Song - Vol. 2

2009-02-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

Today's anthem.

We All Need Saving by Jon McLaughlin

Come on, come on
You have got to move on
This is not the you i know
This isn't real
It's just all you can feel
And that's the way that feelings go
And whether or not it's right or wrong
you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

Say what you
will but the time that we fill
While we're on the earth
Should not be alone
We were meant to be known
You make me what i'm worth
But i can't keep you from yourself
you'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

I don't know why it has to be this way and
I don't know the cure
But please believe someone has felt this before

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you're braving
Don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes

Say It With A Song - Vol. 1

2009-02-03T03:50:00.000-08:00

I love music. A lot.

Music scores my life. I seek it out and use it to explore, express and heighten emotion. I tend to post music here (and at at Giggle Throttle) that moves me, physically and emotionally, and at times I post music can speak on my behalf - when words fail me. I'd like to do the latter more often. So begins a Thoreau Up series, Say It With A Song.

Here's today's anthem.

Dance, Dance, Dance by Lykke Li

Having troubles telling how I feel
But I can dance, dance, dance
Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean
But I can dance, dance, dance
So when I trip on my feet
Look at the beat
The words are, written in the sand
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are written in the air

Dance,
I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do

Easy conversations, there's no such thing
No I'm shy, shy, shy
My hips they lie 'cause in reality I'm shy, shy, shy
But when I trip on my feet
Look at the ground
The words are written in the dust
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are written in the air

Dance,
I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do

Dance, dance, dance

Word.

2009-01-18T02:02:00.000-08:00

Awesome new website called Wordle that takes the text you give it (urls and rss feeds welcome) and creates word clouds (see the Thoreau Up word cloud above), giving more prominence to words used more frequently. I also loved the fact that you can tailor the look and feel of your cloud, taking out the novelty and injecting a bit of artistry.

Have fun creating your own works of art. Oh, and thanks to Letty for the find!

Gaga for Gaga

2009-01-08T00:05:00.000-08:00

I've been digging on Lady Gaga for a while now, but not so much as to get the album, The Fame. Recently I stumbled upon an acoustic version of her singing, "Pokerface," that made be get the album. I got the album knowing full-well that I'd listen to it and wish the whole time that it was as raw and gritty as the acoustic version. Nevertheless, I've boarded the Gaga Train.

Woot Woot!

Dear Diary...

2009-01-03T20:16:00.000-08:00

My little sister once said something pretty profound regarding relationships. She said the whole point of having relationships (friendship or otherwise) is to have a witness to your life. To have someone there to see it, validate it and in a sense, make it real. The same sentiment was later echoed in the film Into the Wild by Christopher McCandless who wrote, "Happiness is only real when shared."

I have met amazingly wonderful people here in Japan, people who are now apart of my life on this continent or any other I happen to find myself. To have met them and have them witness this chapter of my life has been nothing short of a blessing.

The dust is still settling after having my bestie with testes visit from Chicago, and there is something so specific, so special, about having someone here that knew me before, that knows me and all my isms, witness my life here in Japan. Having Matt here in some ways did make my experience here more tangible. In a sense it woke me up from the seemingly unreal, dream-like state that I've found myself going in and out of since touching the ground last April.

Having him here reminded me that I am in fact living in Japan, that (despite myself) I've learned some Japanese, that I can get around without an ounce of fear, that I've learned a great deal about the culture, and most importantly about myself. In short, I've done something...well, big. And by God (truly by God), I've done it well. It takes a witness sometimes to realize those things about ourselves, especially for me as I often focus on what I've yet to accomplish and not all the the stripes I've earned.

I'm so very thankful for him,
and all of the witnesses of my life here and abroad.
Thanks for making my happiness real.

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!
I love and miss you all more than I can say.
May your holiday be filled with all the love and laughter you can stand.

Always,
Natasha

Sugar in the Raw

2008-11-29T06:12:00.000-08:00

Tokyo

17 Weeks.

That is how long I have left in Japan. I know, I just slapped and shat myself. I shlapted myself. I was paralyzed by fear upon doing this math, so much so that I hid under my covers and pouted (bottom lip out and everything) for about a week. I have since emerged from the covers. Glory be! The fear has turned into resolve. I am resolved to do something, several things, a many number of things in fact.

What am I going to do?

I'm not quite certain, but I have a few ideas percolating. I'll tell you one thing though, it feels good to be on the other side of those covers, that much I know. After several 911 calls from the dark side to my amazingly generous, wise and loving parents, I have surfaced and begun taking baby steps: researching and applying for jobs, and subsequently updating ye olde resume. Not that I needed them to tell me to do those things, I just needed them, you know?

Where am I looking to move?

Well my mother says she doesn't care where I move, as long as I live in a city that she can spell and say. I love her. I had been toying pretty hard with the idea of going to London, and even stopping over into Paris before heading there to work on an adorable cheese farm for the summer. Dreamy right? (Random House, if your listening and willing to pay for it I'd happily write a book on it. Call me.) But after doing some pretty cliched soul searching, self reflecting, meditating and good old fashioned praying, I came to the conclusion that London, and Paris are fantastic ideas, but they wouldn't get me closer to what it is I want to do: perform, write, direct and teach. (Did somebody say SNL? I heard somebody say it, I swear.)

So with Amsterdam, London and Chicago out of the running, the Big Ringo started to feel, well, right. I decided to try on the idea again to see if it still fit and it did, like a glove. Then, as if I needed anymore convincing, I got an undeniable sign.

My father, without knowing that I had started flirting with New York again, showed me some framed keepsake-posters I'd made when I was 15. He found them and subsequently hung them in the newly renovated basement (he's retired and renovating is what retired people do). Three posters, a triptych of sorts, served as my unapologetic homage to NYC. I had gone there for the first time as a sophomore in high school and fell madly in love with the city.

I brought home five rolls of film, t-shirts from the South Street Seaport gift shop, sugar packets from the Hard Rock Cafe (it was the first time I'd seen sugar in the raw), and playbills from Jekyll & Hyde and Miss Saigon. I took my booty and made three massive collages of my journey to New York. I had completely forgotten about them until my father tossed out their existence as a non sequitur when giving me a tour of the new basement. After seeing them I couldn't help but smile so hard I sprained my face. I knew then that my decision was made.

That's right folks, I'm moving to New York City in the Spring.

New York

There, I've said it. I've put it out in the universe and it feels effing fantastic. For me choice can either be my captor or my knight. Having made this decision, knowing full well that my immediate circumstances haven't changed, I still can't help but feel freed.

Now I just need a job.
Preferably in the arts.
During a recession.
In New York.

Easy.

ハッピー感謝祭 or Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T00:34:00.001-08:00

There has not been a single day that has gone by since my arrival to Japan that I haven't been overcome with gratitude. I'm so incredibly thankful for my family, friends and faith - all of which has carried and sustained me here.

On this day when we take time out to reflect and count our blessings, I am confronted by the embarrassment of riches that has been my life. I am blessed beyond measure, and humbled beyond words. In short: God is redick.

This is my first Thanksgiving away from home, and it only serves to amplify how much I love (and miss) my family and friends. And I just wanted to take this time out to say yet again, out loud for the record: thank you.

Just, thank you.

Oh My God.

2008-11-24T09:37:00.001-08:00

Those that know me, know that there's nothing I love more ear candy. I've recently stumbled upon some super deliciousness recently. The name, Ida Marie. The song, "Oh My God." The video, here.

It's just plain awesome.

Crazy is Beautiful

2008-11-23T03:24:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon this video by Bjork and got sucked in instantly. Enjoy!

Hug it Out

2008-11-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

Victoria Principal.

When I was, oh goodness, Fourteen maybe (?) I saw my first Lifetime Original Movie with Vickie. I'm not sure of the premise but I'm pretty sure someone either had cancer, was raped, had an affair, died and/or was divorced, was adopted, lied to, and had a long history of drug addition, alcoholism and was recently diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

In this particular made-for-TV masterpiece, there was a scene in which Vickie and her love interest (a Patrick Duffy look alike) were cuddling. It was the middle of the afternoon and they were laying on a bed, fully clothed. The windows were open and white curtains were gently blowing into the room as the lovers, legs intertwined and clad in acid-washed jeans and white t-shirts, discussed their love for one another despite the cancer, rape, affair, death and/or divorce, adoption, lying, history of drug addition, alcoholism and recent diagnosis of Schizophrenia. I remember watching this scene and thinking how intimate this seemed. It was even more intimate than the scrambled porn my TV picked up on occasion.

I currently live in a country where public displays of affection are rare, where hugging and hand-holding between the sexes is taboo, and where the notion of cuddling seems like the freakiest, hardcore pornographic act imaginable and I can't help but crave it.

We all do.

Recently I saw this video from Keith Olbermann who spoke out so eloquently against the hateful Prop 8. He said something in the video that really resonated with me:

"In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours, they don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want: a chance to be a little less alone in the world."

I think that's why cuddling seems so incredibly intimate. Because when you embrace you confess that loneliness to someone, and in doing so you feel less alone. There's comfort in that, there's peace in that - I think that's why cuddling is so conducive to sleep.

The world is a desperate, lonely place and its inhabitants are hungry for connection, for touch. So if you can, today, cuddle. Make the world a better place, one hug at a time.

For more information on the cuddle:

Cuddle Parties
For $30.00, people can attend a party to get touched. This video pretty much sums what you'll experience at one of these events, and Joel Stein pretty much sums up my thoughts this New Age-y rub down pow-wow.

The Cuddle Sutra
I stumbled upon this book on the art of the cuddle. Looks totally cute, and would make a great stocking stuffer. I think Sutra #3 seemed especially adorable.

Getting Intimate:How To Cuddle
Diversify your vertical cuddle:

Getting Intimate:How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed
And this video on the pitfalls of the horizontal cuddle:

Go forth and get your cuddle on.

Jeans.

2008-11-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

Six, Sick, Sex

2008-11-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

Yuka.

Yuka is 6 year old student of mine. She is, in addition to being so cute you want to punch her, extremely hyperactive. She can't sit still. I've learned to ignore her wigglies and teach her earnestly as she slides down her chair on to the floor, or when she pulls her sweater over her head and uses her hand to speak for her, or when when she hides under the table when I turn my back to write on the board.

All of these things I forgive. Not because she is cute or wickedly smart, but because she loves to learn. When Yuka acquires a new word, she can't wait to string it together with something she already knows, even if it doesn't make sense. But when it does, and she realizes that she understands, she explodes with joy. It's downright infectious.

For example, today I was teaching Yuka and her classmates, Minami and Rinon, the following pattern:

Is it a _____?
Yes it is.
No it isn't. It's a ______.

I held up a flash card of a flower and asked: Is it a fish? Yuka fell out of her seat. She was in hysterics. She could not believe that I, a certified ESL teacher, from America, actually mistook a flower for a fish. Once she finally composed her self she said: No it isn't. It's a flower.

She began to laugh some more, shaking her head and slapping the table. Then it hit her. The pattern clicked. She went berserk.

Yuka: [touching the chair] Is this a table? (cracking up)
Natasha: No it isn't. It's a chair.
Yuka: [touching her book] Is this a pencil? (doubled over in laughter)
Natasha: No it isn't. It's a book.

This goes on for about 5 minutes. By this point the whole class is in stitches, as was I. This group of three little girls derived an infinite amount of joy from something as simple as substitution. They even understood that the more ridiculous their assumptions, the funnier the questions became. So quickly chairs and tables, turned into monkeys, and bats.

These three little gum-drop-pudding-pop-sweetie-pie-apple-dumpling-cutie-patooties reminded me how much fun it is just to play. It made me so incredibly thankful to have the spirit of play so active in my life.

Once the class regained its composure, we moved on to learning the day's required dialogue practice:

What's wrong?
I feel sick.
That's too bad.

Shakespearean, I know. After breaking it down, demonstrating the vocabulary, practicing with the textbook and workbook, I called the students up in pairs to practice at the front of the class. I called Rinon and Minami first. They knocked it out the park. Then I called Yuka to the front. I asked Minami if she would be partners with Yuka. Minami obliges, realizing that Yuka is just as likely to do her portion of the dialogue standing at the front of the class, as she is to do it from under the table.

Yuka comes to the front, bolstered by the confidence she earned from the perfect completion of her workbook. She stands at the front of the class, surprisingly poised, and ready for her Oscar winning moment.

3, 2, 1...ACTION!!!

Yuka begins to whistle as if he hasn't a care in the world. She is then suddenly stricken with a pain in her stomach. She moans.

Yuka: Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh.
Minami: What's wrong?
Yuka: I feel SEX.

Minami pauses. She looks at me to see if she should continue, because clearly Yuka has mispronounced her line. I nod and Minami continues, begrudgingly.

Minami: (sighs) That's too bad.

Of course these 6 year old girls didn't realize how incredibly funny the scene had become or why their teacher was crying (trying desperately not to laugh) in the corner.

Houston We Have A Problem

2008-11-11T01:07:00.001-08:00

Japan has been adventure so far.

I say it all the time, but it's so true: there hasn't been a day since I arrived to the Land of the Rising Sun that I haven't been challenged (read:humbled) in some way. And there hasn't been an area that has challenged me more than that of technology.

So far I have:

1 - Crashed my external hard drive.
2 - Dropped my ipod in the toilet.
3 - Crashed my computer.
4 - Blew a circuit breaker.
5 - Broken 3 pairs of very expensive headphones.
6 - Lost 3 metro cards (one of which had $50 on it) while riding the subway, and had to figure out how to get out without a card.
7 - Earned a $400 phone bill because I read the bill wrong and thought calling home was SUPER cheap. (Not really technology related but further demonstrates my stupidity).
8 - Lost the domain to my other blog because I smartly failed to renew it.
9 - Crashed my internet.
10 - Lost my cellphone 2 times (the last time for good).

This absent minded buffoonery has gone from being a charming side affect of expat living, to clear evidence of my mental retardation. I just don't understand how one person could have so much go wrong 6 months.

I'm feeling a little like Job, tested.

Generally when I am met with a challenge, I try to summon grace enough to meet the challenge head on and over come it. But after recently loosing my cellphone, I snapped. Enough is, believe it or not, enough. I'm officially all out of grace, class and composure. (Albeit temporarily). Exhibit A: After retracing my steps for the 3rd time, I came home after 2 hours of searching for my phone and had a tantrum. There in the kitchen I stomped and yelled like frustrated 5 year old. Then I laid down, right there in the middle of the kitchen floor and pouted. How old am I again?

But, I get it. All of these things that have "afflicted" me over the last few months are inconveniences. It's not life or death. All will be well. Blah, blah, blah. I get that. But at the same time, it sucks big fat hairy balls. All of these minor life inconveniences are compounded by the fact that I'm in a foreign land, with a limited grasp of the language. So something as small as asking a store clerk if anyone has turned in a lost phone, turns into a small theater production in which I have to act out loosing my phone, hope they understand the meaning, and listen for buzz words in their response to check for comprehension.

Natasha: [pantomiming dropping a phone]
Clerk (speaking in Japanese): ".....phone....where.....no.......ok?"
Natasha: [pantomiming again]
Clerk (speaking in Japanese): ".....phone....store...you....no...phone?"
Natasha: Hai. Hai. (repeating in Japanse) "phone...store...me...no...phone."
Clerk (speaking in Japanese): Sorry. No phone.

You see? When life's little inconveniences become amplified by virtue of being in a different country, it is not only frustrating but downright demoralizing.

Tomorrow I hope to get phone #2. Then if all goes well I'll try to buy back my lost domain name from some guy named Andrew who's email address is seriously "makethatmoney@emailaddress.com". His sole employment seems to be buying expired domains and charging the desperate idiots who want them back triple the original cost to make that money.

Bring on the boils.

Hair of the Dog

2008-11-09T05:39:00.001-08:00

I heard the expression, "Hair of the Dog" recently. I had no idea what it meant. I was told by the Canadian who introduced me to the phrase that as an American I should have known it, and its meeting: have another drink.

This is said to be the golden rule for those who find themselves hungover. Drink some more and it will make it all better.

I saw this picture in today's NYTimes and was reminded of the expression. After binge-drinking bottles Bush, Rove and Cheney, America has finally woken up and we've got some pretty gnarly hangover symptoms (courtesy of NPR):

Economic Crisis
Job Losses
Collapsing Industries
National Security
The War in Iraq
Energy Costs
Health Care
Global Warming
Executive Powers
Campaign Finance Reform
Equal Justice
Private Contracting
Immigration Rules
Telecommunications
Labor organizing
Education Reform

Just to name a few.

It is my most earnest and sincere prayer that America doesn't fall off the wagon again and have another drink.

A friend of mine here in Japan who is a recovering addict once told me that getting sober was the easy part, and that staying sober... that's the hard part. America's got to stay sober because it's only with the clarity that comes with sobriety that we can fully see these issues, the extent of the damage caused by them and address them the best way we know how - one day at a time. And we don't have a choice because if we have another drink the list gets longer, the damage deeper.

My friend also told me that when asked how long she's been clean that her only response is, "I woke up today at 9:30," implying that her fight is for today. It's not about yesterday, or tomorrow. It's about right now.

I voted.
I've said, "Yes we can."
But what am I going to do today?
What am I going to do today to make sure the changes I've been championing come to fruition? What can I do in my little corner of the universe to Ghandi-it up, and be the change I want to see in the world?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but damn it if I'm not going to try and figure them out, today.

Punk'd

2008-11-04T07:04:00.000-08:00

Termites.
Beetles.
Spiders.
Cockroaches.
Mice.

No, this isn't a list of things that gross me out (all though they do). These were my roommates. After 26 roach motels, 12 bottles of Japanese Raid, two visits from the exterminator, and much prayer, I was finally living on my own. Free from all these critters, once and for all.

Or so I thought.

I had about a three week stretch of feeling like I was actually alone in my apartment. Then tonight, I settled in for a night of movie watching and laundry hanging. Fantastic. Wonderful. Freaking domestic heaven.

Then I hear scratching.

This wasn't unfamiliar scratching. You see the aforementioned mice have never had the guts to look me in the eye. Since they reside INSIDE the walls of my apartment, they scratch, gnaw or whatever it is that mice do to let me know they're there.

So tonight, after two weeks of presumed freedom from house guests, I hear this scratching. How passive aggressive! I mean just grow a pair and come out of hiding. I have no respect for cowardice.

I know what you're thinking. Wouldn't seeing the mouse freak you out more? No. No it wouldn't. Scratching is far more terrorizing than actually seeing a mouse in your house for the following reasons:

1. You can't sleep for fear it will gnaw its way through the wall and on to your face.
2. You have no release for the murderous rage you have for it.
3. Never seeing it, your imagination will run wild. There's no longer a mouse in the house. The miniature creature living in your wall is a mix between Animal from the Muppets, a cannibalistic Chucky and a bi-polar Monchichi.

I just want my home away from home to have a modicum of peace.
Is that too much to ask?

Bubblicious

2008-10-28T05:22:00.001-07:00

Japan has a lot of idiosyncrasies that confound me, others that delight me, and still others that down right annoy me. The train is home to all three. When riding the train in Japan it's a crap shoot as to how it will make me feel. Will today be Stare at the Gaijin Day? Or will it be Somebody's got B.O. Day? Or will it be Drunk Guy Falling Asleep on Me Day? Or my favorite, No Seats So You Have to Stand for 45 Minutes Day.

Twice a week I have to work at a private school. This requires that I get up at 6AM. I usually don't start moving until 6:30AM, but I'm up. I bike to the train station (that's right folks, I have a bike now), and I catch the train to Nichidaimae, then walk for 30 minutes to school. Delightful. The small modicum of joy I can derive from riding the train happens at 8:07AM, the two days a week I board the Women's Only car on the Toyo Line to go to Nichidaimae.

Japan has set aside a Women's Only car on trains bound for Tokyo. This is only in the mornings before 9AM, and only on weekdays. This was done because there are many chikans who ride the train in the morning. (A chikan is a frotteur, a person who gets sexually aroused by rubbing his bait and tackle against unsuspecting women. Thank you Wikipedia). Because trains in Japan are generally packed in the early AM, they are prone to chikan at that time. In light of that, Japan has taken great care to insure the working woman isn't subjected to this kind of abuse. The railways have offered the ladies their own train car, free of men and their dirty ways. Only on the way to work mind you. If a lady stays out late, and let's be honest people if she stays out late she isn't a lady, she's screwed (literally and figuratively). It's a wonder why these safety cars aren't available on the packed last trains out of the city at night....

I digress.

So, I had never made an effort to ride the Women's Only car before, because I kind of thought that the idea was a bit prudish (stop laughing Matt). I mean, we kvetch about equality but we want a separate car? Come on. Not only that, but I thought it was probably filled with women the chikans didn't want to mess with anyway. You know, just a train car filled with scared ugly, old, dejected ladies.

Wrong.

One fateful morning I decided I would venture on to this car and see what all the fuss was about. The first thing that hit me was smell. It was the pretty smell of, well....women. A bit of vanilla mixed with bubblicious. I was hooked. The difference between the energy in the Women's Only car and every other car, was palpable. It was calm and devoid of the rat-race machismo-angst of the regular cars. It was as if Vivaldi was playing and crumpets were being served. I loved it. For the first time I felt free enough utilize my TT (train time) as I saw fit. I sat down and started to put on my make-up. I looked around to see if I would get disappointed stares, but was delighted to see others doing the same. I then opened my diet coffee and drank it with a smile as the women across from me nibbled on her diet energy bar.

I'd died and gone to train heaven.

I realized then that the women didn't migrate there to avoid the chikans, but to partake in the tranquility and awesomeness of being a girl. I hadn't quite realized the power of that exclusivity before that morning.

Women Rawk.

Est. 1980

2008-10-17T03:40:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of starting posts with apologies for not posting because I'm really not that sorry. So let's get down to it.

(Sorry for not posting).

Tonight's my Birthday Eve. I'm turning... gulp...28. I can't believe it.

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be in Japan for my 28th birthday, I would have slapped them. Seriously. That's how I deal with unbelief, I get slappy. And yet, here I sit on a tatami floor, next to shoji screen walls in front of a computer that is sharing space with a bowl of goma salad and used chopsticks.

Today is not only significant because 28 years ago my mother was having contractions, but also because it marks the half-way point of my time here. Exactly 6 months and 11 days ago, a glassy-eyed Rothwell stepped off a plane at Narita Airport wondering what she'd done. 6 months and it feels like 6 days. Yes, I know I say that all the time, but it's true. Some days are more familiar than others, but on the whole it's a daily adventure and that brand of "newness" every single day causes time to fly by.

Being at the half-way point means all I can think about is what's next. (Clearly the Zen lifestyle hasn't quite caught on with me yet). Lately I've been exploring job opportunities in London. Now those that know me know that this plan can change depending on the time of day or what I eat for breakfast. However, I'm committed fully to exploring London as real possibility. Read: I'm far from making an actual, honest to goodness decision.

Blerg.

28 feels so damn old. I know it's young, I get that, but I can't help but feel unaccomplished and so far away from those things that I want (or at least those things I think I want). I haven't done the things I thought I would do by 28 and yet, I've done things I didn't know I could, would or wanted to do.

You see, this leap from one continent to another has opened up the world to me in away that no other leap could have. This new perspective has taken every plan that I had for myself [this is where God laughs] and turns them inside out and upside down. So when I sit down to think about what's next I'm at a loss. Which, in truth, is probably where I should be anyway. The problem is that this control freak wants to drive, hold the map and call the shots. This whole passenger thing takes some getting used to. And to be frank, It's way scary. But oddly enough I am having the time of my life.

Truly, I am.

On this the eve of the anniversary of my birth, I am so unbelievably thankful. Yes, thankful. I am blessed beyond measure to have the most incredible family and friends on the planet. A support system that humbles me, loves me unconditionally, cares for me and knows me - knows my heart. And that is something that, even thousands of miles away, is tangible.

I recently went on a trip to Kyoto and Osaka, a delightful birthday present from my overly generous parents. I went with some of my closest friends here, they're truly fantastic and we went to some amazing temples and generally had a blast. But there was this moment (and there's always a moment) when I was so utterly overcome with the bigness of life, and the love I have for the people in my life. You'd think that moment would've happened at the Kinkaku-ji Temple (Golden Temple). Sure, the sheer beauty of it caused me to stop dead in my tracks and sigh a Matt Gottlieb-type sigh, but that wasn't the place.

On the way home, I was standing outside of the porta-john on the train. There was a huge window there and as I waited, I looked outside and watched the scenery fly by at 250 kilometers per hour (don't ask me what a kilometer is, I'm from America). So I'm standing there watching Japan streak by and thinking about how incredible the trip was. Then suddenly, out of no where, it hits me: that's Japan I'm looking at. My heart began to swell and my eyes began to water because in that moment I felt so incredibly grateful for the people in my life that encouraged me and loved me to that exact moment. That feeling was so amazing it stayed with me even while I took a dump.

Thank you family and friends for 28 years of awesome.
You are truly the loves of my life.
I want to take you all out back and get you pregnant.

Have you seen my keys?

2008-07-24T05:37:00.000-07:00

Three months and 18 days.

It feels like it was only a week ago that I was landing at Narita Airport and feeling like my toes were dangling right above the ground while struggling desperately to hold on to the rope tethered to my head as it floated away from my body.

I stand here today, almost 4 months later, both feet on the ground, my head attached (they sell great duct tape here). And yet, I still feel like the dust is still settling, and that at any moment I could float away.

The things in my life that have kept me grounded, that have kept me sane, are here too. But in a foreign land they can be hard to find, recognize, and hold on to. The irony of ironies is that standing against this foreign backdrop, I am able to see myself - the good, the bad and the ugly - more clearly. And the very things that I need to ground me while I face this new reflection seem to be...absent.

It's weird. I'm not sad about the whole "loosing my footing" thing. I'm strangely empowered. It's like I've lost my keys, and plan to look everywhere for them. There will be no stone left unturned. I have to find them. Because once I do, then (and only then) can I move on to the next thing.

The next thing?

Well, me thinks I'd like to head to France to do some organic farming next spring. Then come fall, head to the UK to possibly study theater (and hopefully perform it). Then after that, New York? Chicago? Who knows. The world is big, and so is the God that I believe in. So, anything is possible.

But before any of that, I've got to find my keys.

Take Two of These

2008-07-17T00:28:00.000-07:00

I was sick a few weeks ago.

Being a teacher, it's par for the course. However, I thought that since I did time in the DC charter school system, I'd be pretty much immune to AIDS at this point.

No such luck.

Well I didn't catch the AIDS, I got strep. There's nothing like facing the prospect of going to a foreign doctor to make you feel a little closer to God.

I realize that Japan has decent physicians. I mean, people get sick here too, right? But just for a moment, imagine going to the doctors and not being able to communicate precisely what's wrong with you. Horrifying, no?

Well, luckily for me I used a little thing called the Internet to find me an English speaking doctor. I decided against going to a doctor's office in my Prefecture. They're perfectly legit here, but when I visited their websites or called I was met with Janglish, "Yes. Doctor speak ego. I no speak. How about Sunday?" This didn't instill me with confidence. So, I hopped the train into Tokyo. I was vulnerable and I wanted to feel as comfortable as possible.

And I was.

I went to the SWANKIEST clinic EVER. The Tokyo Midtown Clinic. I've never been to a doctors office and felt under-dressed. The waiting room was pristine, and glamorous. High-back leather couches, fresh flowers, flat screen TVs, ENGLISH magazines and a greeter. Yes a greeter!

"Welcome to the Tokyo Midtown Clinic. How can I help you today?"

With those words (spoken perfect English) all my troubles seemed to melt away. I met with my new doctor, Dr. Kuruso. An American who graduated from Yale and Harvard, who was kind, caring and helpful.

I walked out of the doctors office with a prescription for antibiotics and went next door to the clinic's English speaking pharmacy to pick it up. Now if this weren't glorious enough. The whole ordeal cost me 10 bucks.

Ladies and gentleman: National Health Care.

[Applause Break]

Yes. My visa gives me access to the national health care system here which means the Tokyoites who live close to this swanky office and the soccer moms who live near my local clinic pay the same. Now there are drawbacks: unsubsidised yearly women's exams and jaw-dropping prices for elective procedures. But I have to tell you, so far I'm impressed. Impressed and strep free.

It's getting hot in hurrrrr

2008-07-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

You know when you are in the city, and it's hot? And on that hot day you happen to walk by a big truck? And you feel the hot hot heat from under that truck?

Japan lives under that truck.

It is hot. And when I say it's hot. I mean I almost walked home naked. I mean the thought popped into my head and it honestly seemed like a rational, plausible idea.

"Yeah, I'll just take off my pants and my top. It'll look like a bikini. Or I could just take everything off and run. Yeah. That's it. I'll run and it'll just be a chocolate blur."

It was 33 degrees Celsius, which is about 92 degrees Fahrenheit. But with 72% humidity it feels like living under that truck.

Everyone has their way of coping, and are quick to give advice on how to stay cool. I've heard it all:

-wear breathable silk
-wear cotton
-don't wear cotton
-wear sleeves and pants to protect yourself from the sun
-wear as little as possible
-use a fan
-use an umbrella
-use a fan and an umbrella
-don't use air conditioning, it will make you feel hotter
-use air conditioning, it will make you feel better
-drink hot tea
-drink iced coffee
-use a dew rag to keep you dry
-leave early, walk slow
-imagine you are in a cool place
-go to the mall
-stay home

You name it, I've heard it. I'm trying everything, but I can't seem to find the right mix of what will keep me from fainting or streaking.

And news flash: it's going to get worse.

So, here I sit (after my second shower today) in the dark of my air conditioned apartment, wearing only what I have to. It's only 4PM and I have no plans to leave, because the sun is still out there people. Waiting for me.

Until we meet again, you yellow bastard.

It's been a while.

2008-07-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

I know.

"So you go to Japan and have nothing to write about? Phooey."

I'm sorry, OK?

Yes, there were different, strange and exciting things happening all around me. And yes, much of it was blog-worthy. But for some reason the thought of sitting down and writing about it turned me off.

I guess It was combination of feelings that kept me from updating. I felt like blogging about the things happening to me would somehow cheapen the experience (if that makes sense). And at the same time I felt sad that the people who I wanted to share those experiences with were thousands of miles away, and blogging was just another reminder that they weren't here.

Excuses, excuses.

Bottom line: I'm back.

To go back and recap everything may take a few posts.

So here is the first installment:

WORK AND PLAY

Teaching has been awesome. I do enjoy it. I liken the classroom to a tiny theater and the students to an interactive audience, who I can yell at when provoked. Pretty sweet deal.

If every regular class I teach is a community theater show, then private school classes are effing Cirque du Soleil. Regular classes have (at most) 6 students in them. My private school classes have about 50. Lately the classroom has spilled onto the public transportation system.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the kids get RUHL excited to see me on the train platform. And since the first incident (my getting attacked on the train), I've managed to avoid the kids on the train on my way home from work. How?

I hide from them.

I'm talking full on hide-and-go-seek hiding. I've figured out that the children board the train at the center of the track. So, when I arrive I head to the very end of the platform. Not only that, I hide in a little nook behind a cement wall. So if a child happens to look at the end of the track, they can't see me. The nook is dingy and smells a little nasty but its free of children.

And sure, when I'm standing there pressed against a nasty wall at 3 o'clock in the afternoon hiding from a group of 7 year-olds, I ask myself how did I (a grown 27 year-old woman) end up there. But what choice do I have? It's either the dingy nook, or risk being attacked by the children of the rice paddies.

For the most part hiding has been successful. But there are still those occasions when still manage to run in to this very group of children.

Tuesdays (my day off) I go into the city for improv rehearsal. Three weeks ago I took the train into the city around 2 o'clock. I boarded the train near the center - which made perfect sense to me at the time because I was 5 stops away from school, I boarded an hour before the kids were released and I was going past the school (in the opposite direction I normally take the train). When my train arrived at the private school stop there were twice the number of children on the opposite track waiting to board my train car. Apparently they are released early on Tuesdays.

I was swarmed by children shouting Janglish at me from all directions. Luckily for me, none of them hit me. I rode about 8 stops before the herd exited the train shouting, "Good-bye! See you!" When they left, the train car fell silent as all the passengers looked at me.

But a scarier incident happened this week.

I left the private school like I'd done every week prior, only now I was being followed. Behind me was the little devil who found it so funny to pummel me on the platform before. I didn't understand how he got out before everyone else. Then I realized he must have a doctor's appointment or something. Unlike the States, kids here are pretty independent. It doesn't matter if they're only 6 years old. These little guys travel from the city to the burbs for school all by their lonesome. So the spawn of Satan that was hoofing-it behind me wasn't after me. He was trying to catch the train.

We both hit the platform in time to watch the train whiz by us. The little bugger seemed pretty distraught. The only thing that seemed to distract him from thinking about the trouble he would get into for being late was the expression of sheer terror on my face. He knew and I knew that in 30 minutes the rest of his classmates would be at the station. I had two choices: I could stay there on the platform and try to comfort him and risk whatever public humiliation was in store for me once his classmates arrived, or I could leave.

I left.

I'm not proud of this fact, but as you will see karma is a bitch.

I left the poor kid to sulk on the platform. I decided that I would ride the train one stop in the wrong direction, then catch the next train home. This way I would avoid the kids and not have to hide in the nasty corner. I thought my plan was flawless. I exited the train at the next stop. Standing there, pleased as punch with myself when I hear, "NATASHA-SENSEI!!!!"

A chill ran up my spine.

I looked over to see a field of white hats, and white and gray uniforms. Could this really be happening? How in God's holy name did they manage to out smart me? Were these kids magic? Was I hallucinating?

I wasn't hallucinating. They were real, their punches told me so. I smiled my way through another train ride . The kids swarming, yelling an poking me while the whole train car stared at me.

The question still remains as to how they ended up at that station. I tell myself they were on a field trip so I can sleep at night. But if I were to be honest with myself, I would have to seriously entertain the notion that they really are in fact demons.

It's not you, it's me.

2008-06-21T19:48:00.001-07:00

So it's been a while and so much has happened. I'm sorry I've been away, but thanks to prodding (thank you Katie), I will fill you in on all that's been going on over the next few posts.

Jibiki-san

I've been taking Japanese lessons. Well to call them lessons is a stretch. They're free lessons that I get from the Narita International Association. They have a cultural exchange program where they pair up volunteer Japanese teachers, with forefingers.

My sensei is Jibiki.

Now she is wonderful. A 50+ year old mother and wife (nearly every Japanese woman's occupation and/or goal). She is pleasant and kind, and doesn't speak a lick of English. She can understand what I'm saying some of the time, but can't communicate back to me. Needless to say, this has proven to be a hurdle in my Japanese education.

I know what you're thinking, "Natasha, you don't speak Japanese but you teach English. Why the double standard?" Well, in Japan people learn English from the time they're in preschool. It's a required language in elementary school, Jr. High and High School. And if you want to get into a good College, you need to be damn near fluent in it. Not only that, but this culture uses English (more Engrish than English) in most advertising, and they have adapted the ever-so complicated and evolving Japanese scripts into Romanji - which is the Roman alphabet to represent the pronunciation of words.

In short the students I teach have better leg up on their language acquisition than I do.

Jibiki is so nice. She tries with gestures and the five English words she's retained over the years to teach me. But it's not working. So, I broke up with her.

Turns out the whole, "it's not you, it's me," break-up doesn't translate.

I couldn't have picked a worse time to give her the news. It was at last week's class and she had brought tea and a sweet treat for me to demonstrate a conversation point (at least I think that's what we were doing). And with every frustrating exchange, and furrowed brow, I knew that I couldn't endure another week not learning anything...no matter how awesome she was.

So after the class I told her, in my kindergarten English, that it was over.

Natasha: Jibiki-san.
Jibiki: Hai (yes)
Natasha: Japanese stop. Natasha-san busy. So sorry. I like you. You, me friends?
Jibiki: ....
Natasha: (gesturing) Natasha finish. No Japanese. Very busy. No study Japanese. Quit?
Jibiki: Hai, Hai.

She looked so defeated and upset. I didn't know how to tell her it wasn't her fault, that I needed a teacher that was adept in teaching retards and who spoke more English.

After the exchange we went down to the Narita International Association office, where we told the representative that I was quitting. (What Jibiki didn't know is that I already spoke with her). Thankfully the representative could translate my apologies and tell Jibiki I was sorry and wanted to remain friends and that it was me, and not her.

This fortuneately translated. She seemed to be less angry. But I could tell she was still upset when the representative translated the following to me.

Rep: Jibiki says, that's ok.
Natasha: Good, good. I'm really sorry.
Rep: She also says that you call your self san.
Natasha: What?
Rep: Natasha-san.
Natasha: Oh, yes.
Rep: She said don't call yourself san. Only other people do that.
Natasha: Oh!
Rep: When you do that it's silly.

I looked a Jibiki and realized that she thought I was a bad student and she was trying to make me feel bad. I didn't feel bad, I felt relief. But for her, I acted my heart out. I wanted her to feel better at any cost. So I lowered my head in shame and repeatedly said, "Gomenasai, gomenasai." Sorry, sorry.

Seeing my sorrow (I'm such a good actress) the receptionist and Jibiki negotiate my departure - something I was not expecting. So as a result of my Oscar winning performance is that they decided my quitting was actually just giving notice.

My last day of class isn't until July 7th.

I'll Be Back in 2 and 2

2008-05-22T03:48:00.000-07:00

There is a very intense gift-giving tradition in Japan. Basically, there doesn't need to be a specific reason to give one (although, there are many), but the idea is that the gift is answered with a thank you gift. As a gaijin I'm pretty much exempt from this game, but somehow I got tricked in to playing.

Mrs. Kaneko is a Japanese English teacher at the private school I teach at. We work closely together. In the 8 weeks I've been teaching there she's given me:

1. Seaweed - from her family's store 27 pts.
2. Mooji Ball and Iced Tea - in celebration of children's day 10 pts.
3. A dry erase marker - black 13 pts.
4. Magnets - self adhesive 20 pts.
5. English translation of a Kabuki website I'd mentioned only once before 39 pts.

Now, like I said, I don't have to play this game. But it got to a point that I was simply shamed in to playing. So I set out to gain some yardage.

I went to a Japanese bookstore and found its tiny English section and purchased a set of Salvador Dali post cards. Then I used a fancy note card (from the USA 80 pts) to write a thank you note.

I leave the card and one of my favorite post cards on her desk (I couldn't give her all of them, because I need the ammo in case I'm gifted again).

I sat and waited for her to come in this morning. She did, and then realized what I had done. She was in shock. She thanked me profusely, then set about finding my thank you gift.

I know, I thought it was done too. She was already winning. Even with my gift, I was still at a deficit. But, that's not how the Japanese roll.

My gift? A man.

Mrs. Kaneko has learned that I have started taking Japanese lessons. So she decided to get the math teacher, who is also 27 (she was really excited by this fact), to come up to my room to have "lunch and conversation with me." She thinks that it will be wonderful. I will help him with English and he will help me with Japanese.

She brings her lunch too, and the three of us sit there in my classroom and proceed to have lunch and conversation.

The conversation is delightful, stilted but delightful. Lots of laughs and misunderstandings. Then Mrs. Kaneko did what many Japanese women do, she poked and prodded about marriage. This quaint little lunch turned into an episode of the dating game being hosted (and translated) by a Japanese Chuck Woolery.

"Are you single?"
"Have you ever been married?"

Both the math teacher and I smile and stumble through the questioning. Some how we kept from drowning in the sea of awkward by clinging to some other random topic - sports I think.

I say my arigatos and I think it's over. Then I discover that this will be a weekly event. Now I owe her gift and now I need to thank the math teacher too.

I don't know how I know this, but I think the only way out of this will be a baby. I don't know whose, and I don't know how the baby will be used. But feel certain that some sort of baby will put an end to all of this.

Zen and the Watermelon

2008-05-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I cleaned my apartment: vacuumed and did laundry. And then I did something I haven't done in ages.

I had a massive slice of watermelon.

This may not seem blog worthy, but it is. I stood on my balcony, clothes drying in the wind, and ate watermelon. It was perfect.

I didn't multi-task. I didn't think about dumb life stuff. I didn't even think at all. I stood there barefoot and watched the birds, butterflies, and listened to the wind in trees.

It was heaven.

There, with juice running down my arms and all over my face, I couldn't help but feel silly that I ever had a care in the world.

But alas, I finished the fruit and left my happy place. I think one of my goals while I'm here, is to find and stay in that happy place.

Yo, You Buggin'

2008-05-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Those who know me, know that there's nothing that geeks me out more than bugs.

When I was younger, my father gave me some life changing advice. The catalyst for this advice giving happened when I woke him and my mother at 1AM by throwing my shoe at their bedroom window. Why did I do that? Well my father, being a good dad, left the porch light on for me when he knew I'd be home late. But by leaving the light on, he gave every creepy crawler an excuse to be there. So rather than open the door and go inside like a normal person, I took off my shoe and threw it. That way my father could open the front door (which was unlocked) and allow me to run in, waving my hands and screaming.

His advice? "Tasha, if you look for them, you'll find them. So stop looking for them."

I'd heard that kind of advice before. You know, "seek and ye shall find, " stuff. But it wasn't until that night, that I "got" it. So basically (with regard to bugs) I stopped trying to seek them out just so I could freak out about them.

But what if they come looking for you?

That's exactly what's happened in my new apartment. I was minding my own business - not seeking, not finding - when I saw a tiny bug crawling on my floor. I choose not to freak out and with all the grace and dignity I could muster, I reached for the bug spray and ended its life. Then I noticed a second bug of the same family. I sprayed. Then a third, a forth and a fifth bug. I started to panic.

What are these?
Where are they coming from?
Have they laid eggs in my brain?

I kill the bugs I see. Then, all of a sudden, I see where they're coming from. I see it. I start to shake and throw-up in the back of my mouth.

There is a pile...A PILE of bugs, pouring out of the door frame in my bathroom. I grab two cans of bug spray. I. Go. RAMBO. On. Them. I spray and I spray. I spray until my eyes start watering and I start coughing.

What's a little blindness and respiratory illness when your house is under attack?

I report the invasion to my work (they own my apartment). I describe the bug to them, and they suspect it's termites. G.R.O.S.S. Today, the exterminator was supposed to come to handle this business. But judging from the note left on my floor, they only came by to survey the buggery, and will send someone out "soon" to take care of the problem.

Soon.
Soon?
SOON!?!?!?!?

Until then, I will continue spray the sh*t out of my bathroom everyday. So far, so good. I've yet to see anymore of Satan's warriors appear. But let it be known to all bugs: I'm armed and dangerous. And I will seek, find and destroy you if you try to step up in this piece.

Ya hurd?

The Midas Touch

2008-05-09T05:10:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned, after being in Japan for nearly three and a half weeks, I got a week off from work because of Golden Week.

Here are some of the highlights of my Golden Week:

1. Tokyo Tower

TT was awesome because there's something that I dig about being made to feel small. I don't mean this in the BDSM sense, but in the gaining-perspective sense. By being up so high, and being made to feel so small, my problems feel just as small.

I also get this satisfaction from looking at the moon. Which is cheaper.

2. Toho Cinema

Those who know me, know I'm a girl who likes the movies. I'll go with you, or I'll go it alone. I like film for its artistry, and for the down and dirty escapism it facilitates. In Japan going to the movies is an EXPERIENCE. I've gone twice over Golden Week. Once alone and once with friends. This may seem like a mundane way to spend time, but not in Japan. And certainly not for me.

Not only are tickets nearly $20 each (yes each), but there is assigned seating. And, if that weren't enough, there is a gift shop (yes gift shop) at the theater where you can buy movie posters, post cards, playbills AND candy. Not just any candy. But like, candy store candy where the candy is in bins, with scoops and there's a scale.

What movies did I see? It doesn't matter. Just going was entertainment enough.

3. The Ramen Museum

What can I say. I went. I saw. I conquered.

4. Chinatown - Yokohama

Every city boasts a Chinatown. But nobody does Chinatown quiet like Japan.

Yokohama's Chinatown deserves it's own day (or two) for visiting. I did a drive by, however I still managed to see two amazing shrines.

5. Last but certainly not least.... Kua 'Aina Burger Shop

I was a vegetarian (lacto-ovo pescatarian to be exact) for nearly 12 years. That has ended since my stay in Japan. And I'm so glad it did. I had the most amazing meal of my life at Kua 'Aina Burger. I ate a juicy all beef, bacon burger that brought me closer to God. I feel my abstaining for 12 years was so I could enjoy that burger and commune with Him.

Here's the aftermath of my conversion:

I understand this scene so much more now:

2008-05-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

The audio on the videos seems to be out. Working on it!

Japan 101 - Part 1

2008-05-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

CONNECTION

First of all, I have to say that not having the internet for 3 weeks was pure torture. I can't describe how utterly cut-off I felt from everything I knew. Not only was I in a foreign land, separated from everything and everyone I held dear. But I was there with out a solid, regular means to hear from/talk to all the things I held dear.

I'd never felt that particular brand of loneliness before. I don't recommend it.

But oh, how night has turned to day my friends! In short: I. AM. CONNECTED.

PLANES, TRAINS AND ROBOTS

My parents took me to Philadelphia International Airport the morning I left.

At that point I'd said goodbye to anything that would let me. And I was rearing to go. I schelped three - very large and heavy - pieces of luggage to terminal with my parents in tow. And I was fine, until I hit the security checkpoint.

There's a line drawn on the ground that only ticketed passengers could pass. That was the point where I had to say good bye to my parents. I balled. I ugly cried. Snot bubbles and all. But what REALLY undid me was them watching me go through security. At various shoeless points I would look back to see if they'd left - and they hadn't. I tear up even now thinking about how powerful that was for me. To look back and see them there even after I had crossed the line was a moment that I will never forget. It was biblical - the idea that no matter where you go, or how far you stray, God is right behind us. And in that moment I saw God in my parents and that changed me in a way I can't fully describe.

Here's me on the plane headed for Japan! At this point I'd just changed planes at O'Hare International. I was extra happy because all my seat upgrade requests were given to me!!!

KONICHIWA

I stepped into Narita International Airport and felt like I'd just stepped into a dreamland. A dreamland filled with things familiar and yet strange at the same time. At this point I'd been up for nearly 24 hours (I don't sleep well on planes). I smelled and look like I'd been up for 24 hours. I followed the signs and made my way through immigration, customs and baggage claim. And a whopping 2 hours later I was ready to get on the train to meet Miki. (Miki's the lovely woman at my job who is tasked to keep watch over all the gaijin (foreigners) that work at M.I.L.).

But before I hopped the train to go to what would be my new home, I needed to freshen up in the bathroom. So I made my way to the ladies room and was met with more gadgetry than an Apple Store. I didn't know where to poop or wash my hands. After about 20 minutes I figured out the pooping part - I also discovered the toilet had a seat warmer, butt spray and air dry. The sink part was far less complicated but also required some tinkering to get the water warm.

I emerged from the bathroom refreshed and slight aroused (thanks toilet).

KATSUTADAI

I took the train straight to my new home in Katsutadai. Miki met me there and whisked me off to my apartment. But not before stopping at a photo booth. Yes, you heard me. A photo booth. I needed passport pictures to go to the immigration office and register as a gaijin. So in Japan, being as resourceful as Tom Hanks in Castaway, there are passport picture booths at metro stops.

I thanked God that I freshened up at the Airport, and got my photos done right then and there. Miki took me to my apartment (video blog coming soon of my new crib), she ordered food for me and showed me how to work all the appliances - and in the case of my apartment the sink and tub are considered appliances.

Not soon after Miki left, a surprised deliver man brought my dinner and bowed his way out of my doorway. I ate and fell asleep shortly their after.

SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL?

In the sweet sweetness of my first night's sleep at my new place I was awoken by an earthquake. I kid you not. Since that first one, there have been 3-4. They apparently happen quite a bit here. Needless to say, that in my jet lagged, emotionally and physically exhausted state an earthquake was quite the cherry on top of that sundae.

At that point I didn't get scared. I was too tired to. I just laid there, eyes closed and waited for it to stop. When it did, I fell back asleep. I awoke refreshed and in a bit of shock.

Well, that's all for now. More to come on my life since hopping the international dateline.

Sayonara....

Holy Crap on a Stick!!!

2008-04-20T06:01:00.001-07:00

I'm in Japan!!!

I'm here. I can't believe it really. I haven't posted because I'm sans Internet at my apartment. I'm typing this entry at Relax (the name of the 24 Internet cafe near my place) so this won't be a proper entry.

Just wanted to let you know that updates are on their way!

Visa Versa

2008-03-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

Bureaucratic red tape isn't unique to the US.

The Japanese government has taken its sweet time in getting my visa materials approved. The result? My working papers won't arrive in time for my scheduled flight on March 30th.

So...I have to reschedule.

I'm now set to leave on April 6th, arrive April 7th and begin teaching on April 10th. Not ideal. It gives me zero time to, you know, adjust to the whole "new country" thing. I'm bummed because I was REALLY ready to go THIS week. I had everything planned, said my goodbyes, and packed. Then I got the call that there was a hold up at the Japanese immigration office, and my paperwork was delayed. Ispo facto, I'm delayed a whole week.

Krikey.

I hate when things don't go as scheduled. Especially when I worked so hard on the said schedule. Now, I'm stuck in NJ for another week and I don't know if I can make it. No friends, no car, no job AND no improv. Just my folks, their fancy cable, and (if I borrow the car) outlet shopping.

Oy.

2008-03-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that I'm turned on by this?

2008-03-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

My mom took me out shopping today!

I can't wear jeans to my new job. And for those that know me, know that I wear jeans almost everyday. My mom took pity on me and my wardrobe. She took me shopping so that the people of Sakura-chi would find my attire acceptable.

The shopping day was successful. I was able to find non-jean attire that satisfied my need for comfort. But that doesn't mean I surfaced from this trip unscathed.

During the outing, I found myself in the dressing room trying on sweaters to go with my new non-jeans and the following exchange occurred:

Mom: Try on the pink one!

Me: No. I don't like pink.

Mom: Come on! It would look so cute.

Me: Mom, I don't do cute and I don't like pink.

Mom: Oh, come out of the closet already!!!!

Me: What did you say?!

Mom: Come out of the closet already.

Me: Thanks.
(Woman in the other dressing room begins to laugh.)

We Are the World?

2008-03-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

Here's a Japanese TV show in which the goal is to recreate the We Are the World video. Yes, there are a few in black face (and white face). It should be noted I laughed for about 10 minutes after watching this. Enjoy!!!

Today's Anthem

2008-03-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

L.E.S. Artistes
by Santogold

What I'm searching for
to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall
Walking by myself
down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going
be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop trying to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker

Chorus:
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

Chorus:
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of

Chorus:
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

The Band-Aid Affect

2008-03-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had my goodbye dinner with Caveat.

I found myself, in what is left of my apartment, crying. It is so hard, so hard people, to walk away from the people you love (albeit only geographically). So, so hard. It's a gamble to leave so much certainty for the unknown. A gamble that I know will pay off, but right now...in this moment...my heart hurts. My heart is heavy, not because I think I'll never see my boys again, but because I know that things just won't be the same and I'm going to miss that a great deal.

I've been saying goodbye to varying pockets of people in my life over the last few weeks. Work friends, improv friends, college friends and tonight my improv family. Next up will be my Chicago family, and then my family family.

With every goodbye, it's like picking at a band-aid - slow, inevitable and unavoidable pain.

I'm a military brat and have moved around my whole life. To cope, I developed the nasty little habit of not letting people in. Closing my self up, so that leaving would be easy - pull the band-aid off quickly! But in college, I broke myself of this habit. I made up my mind that I didn't want to live a life where my guard was up all the time, letting only a few people in.

I worked at making myself available emotionally to my friends, which gave way to deeper more meaningful relationships. Relationships that I am so thankful for. But here's he kicker: The thing about having your wall down, is that it makes leaving fucking hard. Before? I'd say my goodbyes, pack up and move on, eyes forward. Now? I do the same, only every step is drenched with tears, smothered with priceless memories and I look back so much I make Lot's wife look like a chump. (Oh, that's right. Old testament bitches).

In all the sadness, I take comfort in knowing that meaningful relationships have passports and can be sustained abroad.

Time Machines

2008-03-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

Packing is ridiculous.

The last two days have been spent pouring over everything in my apartment, trying to figure out what's destined for storage, luggage, trash or donation.

There were a lot casualties and I'm close to winning Battle of Purging.

The odd thing about moving is that it unearths your past and forces you to face your future, "Will I need this? Do I need this?"

In my packing, I've found all those things that were stored under the assumption that they were too valuable to throw out, but now their value has decreased and the reasons for their existence are lost. (It's sort of sad to think that an item, which had such value, somehow lost its meaning).

I've also found those amazing keepsakes, that rarely see the light of day, but when rediscovered serve as time machines.

My father is a bit of a pack rat, and the apple doesn't fall from the tree. This is compounded by the fact that I'm a military brat, and have always felt that I had to save knickknacks from all the places I've lived to prove to myself later that those people and places existed at all. And sometimes I hold on to things so that my children and grandchildren can one day pillage through my past and see all that I've done. Sorta macabre, but that's me.

In short, I have a lot of stuff.

And while purging is good, healthy and cleansing, it's especially hard for me. I've thrown out and given away a ton. But, I can't help but hold on to my little time machines.

Call me a sentimental schmuck, but that's me too.

2008-03-06T21:38:00.001-08:00

Let me know if you are in the market for any of my stuff. The prices are totally negotiable, just let me know what you want/need. The list may grow in the next couple of days.

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/sys/598074853.html (computers & tech)
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/fur/598091708.html (furniture)
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/fur/598112561.html (furniture)
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/ele/598136004.html (electronics)
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/fur/598159488.html (furniture)

Please forward this post to those in the market for...you know, stuff.

Life Tetris

2008-03-01T15:31:00.000-08:00

Packing up my apartment, and putting my life into little boxes.

It's hard to figure out what's worth taking, what's worth leaving behind, and what's trash.

Today, after I woke up at 2PM (I know, I'm disgusted with myself too), I started purging and organizing. I haven't even made a dent in all that needs to be done, but it feels good to get started. Out with the old, in with the new.

Easier said than done.

Tick...tick..tick...

2008-02-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

I feel like all of this is a dare.

11 months ago I dared myself to change my life, to live a dream and travel the world. And with every step I've taken toward completing this dare, I have paused to see if anyone would call my bluff. I've waited to see if I would win this game of chicken.

No one's called my bluff and I'm winning. So why does it feels like I'm loosing?

I'm running so hard toward something and I don't know what it is, and I don't know what I'm running from. There are so many unanswered questions and I know Japan isn't the answer. I know the answer is within - blah, blah, blah.

I know Japan isn't the point.
Japan is not what I'm looking for.
But Japan is everything I'm not.

And because it's everything I'm not, it's going to show me exactly what I am.

No, Japan isn't London (or any other seemingly more perfect city). It's not where I thought I would go. It's not even what I thought I wanted. But I'm getting the distinct feeling, it's what I need.

The final countdown....do do do dooo, do do do do do....

2008-02-19T07:09:00.000-08:00

There was one major piece in my Japan prep that I was avoiding. I was avoiding it because once I put that piece in place, then this trip would become real. I had already quit my job and gave my landlord notice, so you'd think this whole thing would be real already. But it wasn't.

That final piece? Booking my flight to Tokyo.
It's finished. I leave March 30th. This is all really happening.

I'm getting stoned.

2008-02-18T16:03:00.000-08:00

In an effort to prep for the move to Japan, I’ve become a lemming. I've joined the thousands of people who have bought the Rosetta Stone language system.

So far, so good. I've learned quite a bit. The system does not use translation. Which was odd at first, but it actually is a more intuitive way of learning.

I paid for the 6-month on-line version and I'm working my way through the first lessons. Here's hoping that it works.

Dabbling

2008-02-14T20:00:00.000-08:00

I'm exploring the world of J-Pop. What do you think?

Take Me Home Tonight...

2008-02-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

Slight Correction:

It looks like I'll be living 40 mins FROM Chiba City (not IN Chiba City). I'll be 30 mins from Narita and 45 mins from Tokyo. I'll be living in an area called Kinta-narashino (above).

As you can see, for the 'burbs, it's pretty "city."

I'm getting way pumped about the move. There's so much to do. It's kinda hard to think about anything BUT all the things I have to get done. Once the flights booked, I imagine it's all down hill from there. My biggest hurdle by far will be to box up my apartment and to purge. I want to downsize, get rid of a lot. I want to sell what I can sell, give away what I can give, and donate what isn't trash.

That process may take a minute or two, as saying good-bye to things isn't my strongest suit.

There are signs everywhere.

2008-02-11T15:42:00.000-08:00

Almost as if God himself wanted me to know that Japan was the right decision...

The Kennedy Center is hosting a Japan Festival!

Last Saturday, to celebrate my decision to go abroad, I treated myself to an amazing production of Yukio Ninagawa's Shintoku-Maru featuring Tatsuya Fujiwara. This show was a US Premiere and a feature of the festival.

Here's the show synopsis:

"Renowned for his innovative interpretations of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, King Lear, and other classics, award-winning director Yukio Ninagawa has been called "one of the great image-makers of modern theater" (London's The Guardian).

For the festival, Ninagawa brings his tragic fable of love, lust, and revenge based on an ancient Japanese noh play written by Shuji Terayama and adapted by Rio Kishida. Blending drama, music, and spectacle, the production stars Tatsuya Fujiwara, one of Japan's hottest young actors known for movie roles ranging from Death Note to Battle Royale. Reprising his acclaimed, star-making performance from the London staging of Shintoku-Maru, Fujiwara portrays a young man haunted by the memory of his departed mother and strangely drawn to his new stepmother, portrayed by the magnetic Kayoko Shiraishi."

It was phenomenal. While the show was not translated, I still cried, and laughed and sighed, because you don't need words to communicate emotion. The artistry, storytelling and detail that went into this production was extraordinary.

I plan on seeing as much of the festival as I can before I go to Japan myself. Here is more info on the festival if you're so inclined.

About the festival

"In the Land of the Rising Sun, ancient traditions are layered with modern sensibility and technological innovation to create culture… accelerated. This "hyperculture" encompasses a wide range of expression - from the wizardry of robots and the dazzling action of anime to the hypnotic movement of butoh and the propulsive energy of taiko.

Over two weeks, the Kennedy Center brings together more than 450 artists, more than 40 performances, and more than a dozen free events to showcase the best Japanese theater and dance, music and fashion, architecture and sculpture, poetry and literature, photography and film. February 5-17, don't miss this living celebration of the artistic innovator that is Japan… the "floating island" whose modest size belies its stunning global impact."

52 Days and counting....

Made in Japan

2008-02-08T22:17:00.001-08:00

I'm moving.

Seriously.

About a year ago I set to work to get certified in TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language). It started out as a means to diversify my employment search, as I was looking for ways to make my way out of DC. Then, after I completed the 6-month certification, I enlisted the services of a TEFL job placement service that then quickly put my newly ascertained certification to work. And work it did.

Beginning in April I will be the newest resident of Chiba City, Japan. I will be working for a conversation school teaching private English classes to all age groups. All told, I will be in Japan for a year teaching, learning and growing.

I know what you’re thinking, “Natasha, what about performing? You’re not giving that up are you?” Of course not. (And if you really know me you wouldn’t have to ask that). While performing, writing, directing and teaching are my life's passions - travel is in my blood. To deny my wanderlust would be disservice to it all the gifts God has given me. Because I feel certain that this journey will not only make me a better performer, writer, director and teacher; but it stands to make me a better person.

I’m equal parts “thrilled beyond belief” and “scared shitless.” I plan on documenting the ebb and flow of these emotions for you here.

Stay tuned, the adventure begins now.

God is Ridiculous.

2008-01-27T17:16:00.001-08:00

It all started with an email.

I was in the middle of observing the 3rd and 4th graders as they performed their daily warm-up. I looked down at my computer to find that I had just received an email entitled, "Surprise Gig."

I read the email to discover that the US State Department was looking for an improv teacher to teach a two week workshop in Cyprus (an island in the Mediterranean). Apparently the State Department has gotten into the habit of contacting Arena Stage to find teachers to fill such positions. Arena happens to be where I do contract work as a Teaching Artist. I've done countless improv workshops for them over the years and they were emailing me to see if I'd be interested in the gig.

Ridiculous.

So after my class, I called Arena to make sure I wasn't delusional. They confirmed that this was actually happening and that they would be talking the the State Department on Friday. I learned that I was to send my resume to Arena ASAP, and then State Department would be contacting me the following week.

Regardless of how this whole thing turns out, I'm glad it happend. Because it reminded me of just how ridiculous God is. How the plans I make and the dreams I have for myself are so much smaller than what God has planned for me.

Foreshadowing

2008-01-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

The Vapors
Turning Japanese Lyrics

I've got your picture of me and you
You wrote "I love you" I wrote "me too"
I sit there staring and there's nothing else to do
Oh it's in color Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel And soft as clouds
I often kiss you when there's no one else around

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of you all round my cell
I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of them all round my cell
I want the doctor to take a picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
That's why I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
(think so think so think so)
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

Point. Click. Shoot.

2008-01-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

I'm currently awaiting the Christmas gift from my parents. They love me a great deal and agreed to fund my dream of being a famous photographer.

OK, so I don't really want to be a famous photographer, but nonetheless I want to take pictures like one. They told me all I had to do was pick one out and I did just that.

My new friend (who isn't named yet): the Nikon D40

My baby should arrive in a week and I can't wait! In the meantime, I'm forced to troll the internets for camera porn. I know I have a problem, but I don't care.