I'll Be Back in 2 and 2

There is a very intense gift-giving tradition in Japan. Basically, there doesn't need to be a specific reason to give one (although, there are many), but the idea is that the gift is answered with a thank you gift. As a gaijin I'm pretty much exempt from this game, but somehow I got tricked in to playing.

Mrs. Kaneko is a Japanese English teacher at the private school I teach at. We work closely together. In the 8 weeks I've been teaching there she's given me:

1. Seaweed - from her family's store 27 pts.
2. Mooji Ball and Iced Tea - in celebration of children's day 10 pts.
3. A dry erase marker - black 13 pts.
4. Magnets - self adhesive 20 pts.
5. English translation of a Kabuki website I'd mentioned only once before 39 pts.

Now, like I said, I don't have to play this game. But it got to a point that I was simply shamed in to playing. So I set out to gain some yardage.

I went to a Japanese bookstore and found its tiny English section and purchased a set of Salvador Dali post cards. Then I used a fancy note card (from the USA 80 pts) to write a thank you note.

I leave the card and one of my favorite post cards on her desk (I couldn't give her all of them, because I need the ammo in case I'm gifted again).

I sat and waited for her to come in this morning. She did, and then realized what I had done. She was in shock. She thanked me profusely, then set about finding my thank you gift.

I know, I thought it was done too. She was already winning. Even with my gift, I was still at a deficit. But, that's not how the Japanese roll.

My gift? A man.

Mrs. Kaneko has learned that I have started taking Japanese lessons. So she decided to get the math teacher, who is also 27 (she was really excited by this fact), to come up to my room to have "lunch and conversation with me." She thinks that it will be wonderful. I will help him with English and he will help me with Japanese.

She brings her lunch too, and the three of us sit there in my classroom and proceed to have lunch and conversation.

The conversation is delightful, stilted but delightful. Lots of laughs and misunderstandings. Then Mrs. Kaneko did what many Japanese women do, she poked and prodded about marriage. This quaint little lunch turned into an episode of the dating game being hosted (and translated) by a Japanese Chuck Woolery.

"Are you single?"
"Have you ever been married?"

Both the math teacher and I smile and stumble through the questioning. Some how we kept from drowning in the sea of awkward by clinging to some other random topic - sports I think.

I say my arigatos and I think it's over. Then I discover that this will be a weekly event. Now I owe her gift and now I need to thank the math teacher too.

I don't know how I know this, but I think the only way out of this will be a baby. I don't know whose, and I don't know how the baby will be used. But feel certain that some sort of baby will put an end to all of this.