Yo, You Buggin'

Those who know me, know that there's nothing that geeks me out more than bugs.

When I was younger, my father gave me some life changing advice. The catalyst for this advice giving happened when I woke him and my mother at 1AM by throwing my shoe at their bedroom window. Why did I do that? Well my father, being a good dad, left the porch light on for me when he knew I'd be home late. But by leaving the light on, he gave every creepy crawler an excuse to be there. So rather than open the door and go inside like a normal person, I took off my shoe and threw it. That way my father could open the front door (which was unlocked) and allow me to run in, waving my hands and screaming.

His advice? "Tasha, if you look for them, you'll find them. So stop looking for them."

I'd heard that kind of advice before. You know, "seek and ye shall find, " stuff. But it wasn't until that night, that I "got" it. So basically (with regard to bugs) I stopped trying to seek them out just so I could freak out about them.

But what if they come looking for you?

That's exactly what's happened in my new apartment. I was minding my own business - not seeking, not finding - when I saw a tiny bug crawling on my floor. I choose not to freak out and with all the grace and dignity I could muster, I reached for the bug spray and ended its life. Then I noticed a second bug of the same family. I sprayed. Then a third, a forth and a fifth bug. I started to panic.

What are these?
Where are they coming from?
Have they laid eggs in my brain?

I kill the bugs I see. Then, all of a sudden, I see where they're coming from. I see it. I start to shake and throw-up in the back of my mouth.

There is a pile...A PILE of bugs, pouring out of the door frame in my bathroom. I grab two cans of bug spray. I. Go. RAMBO. On. Them. I spray and I spray. I spray until my eyes start watering and I start coughing.

What's a little blindness and respiratory illness when your house is under attack?

I report the invasion to my work (they own my apartment). I describe the bug to them, and they suspect it's termites. G.R.O.S.S. Today, the exterminator was supposed to come to handle this business. But judging from the note left on my floor, they only came by to survey the buggery, and will send someone out "soon" to take care of the problem.

Soon.
Soon?
SOON!?!?!?!?

Until then, I will continue spray the sh*t out of my bathroom everyday. So far, so good. I've yet to see anymore of Satan's warriors appear. But let it be known to all bugs: I'm armed and dangerous. And I will seek, find and destroy you if you try to step up in this piece.

Ya hurd?